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Bill Clinton
William Jefferson "Bubba the Blowjob President" Clinton was the 42nd President of the United States of America, a dank era in between the glory days of George H.W. Bush, and the amazing presidency of George W. Bush. He is a nasty, bad, very naughty Man. Anything that you, as an American, are presently unhappy with can be traced back to the corrupt, incompetent Clinton regime. During those eight long years, Americans passed the time by giving control of Congress back to the Republicans, trying to keep Clinton from fondling their teenage daughters, and pondering whether Ronald Reagan was the greatest President or merely a great President, or whether it was George W. Bush who was, in fact, the greatest President of all time. The debate was hampered at first, as Bush had not declared his intention to run for the Presidency, but by 1995, patriotic Americans could feel in their gut that Bush would be elected and serve eight stunning years in office. It was simply too truthy not to be true. Unfortunately, Bill Clinton was too distracted (and oblivious) by the "DNA on the blue dress" and not "having very hardcore sex with that Monica Lewinsky" to start World War III, thus leaving that burden to fall on the greatest president (EVER), George W. Bush. (The good news for Christians? We are on the road to WWIII and Jesus is coming!) During his tenure as President, Americans had peace, security, stability and a booming economy suffered through record stock market losses, record low employment, and, for the first time in our glorious nation's history, a budget for disaster. Thankfully, that's all changed now. All of which makes us ask ourselves, Bill Clinton: worst president or worstest president? Plus, according to some, he is the first black president, meaning that Barack Hussein Obama is living a lie. Impeachment The impeachment of this hedonist actually occurred, as Congress and all levels of the government wanted his exit. However, when Alan Greenspan heard about it, he threatened to shut down the Federal Reserve and convert the all-strong-against-storm-thunder-uninflatable American dollars of hard-working Americans into the Filipino peso, Argentine peso, and any currency with a volatility of 300 percent plus. The old ogre also threatened to inform his Jewish nephews, cousins, and illegitimate children to shut down Wall Street that would result in the worst inter-galactic market crash in history. Hence, the impeachment was never announced and history books have been revised that Clinton triumphed. TEHCUMSEH * Factoids *His best buddy in crime is Sandy "Pants" Berger, otherwise known as the 'fastest pants stuffer in the nation'. * His book My Life is the same weight as Michael Moore, including the demon that lives in Michael Moore's belly. * Bill Clinton hates puppies, babies, and you. * Jesus demands that you love your neighbor... except for Bill Clinton. * Ann Coulter was the first to discover that he is a friend to bears. * Clinton did in fact "Inhale" but he never exhaled. * Bill Clinton has an office in Harlem because he enjoys the badonkadonk and the "ill beats". * Ann Coulter was also the first person to discover that Bill Clinton was gay, presumably after the two of them had sex. Clinton later revealed that he is only gay when it comes to evil, crazy bitches. * Bill Clinton and Kid Rock enjoy "Puffin The Winston" and "Drinkin the Four Oh". * Clinton loves to "trip face" on Willie Nelson's Magical Bus. * Clinton and Tommy Chong are best friends. * Mr. Clinton was too afraid to do cocaine, unlike our brave leader George W. Bush. * Bill Clinton is a founding member of NAMBLA. * his favorite pickup line is: "It's not about the man, it's about the office" * Learned everything he knows about politics from Jimmy Carter. * Fox News shill Journalist Chris Wallace recently burst his bubba. * After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, Bill Clinton gave the terrorists an 'A' for effort and wished them better luck in the future. He then urged all Americans to convert to Islam. * Has a doctorate from Knox College and was attacked (see picture at right) by Stephen after receiving it. * Once devoured a newborn baby at an anti-war rally in the 1960s Superpowers * Multi-tasker supreme! * Ninja * Can read a book like nobody's business. * His lower lip can grow back, after he bites it feeling your pain. * Is groping your wife as you are reading this. * His all-powerful penis causes destruction through its own powers of telepathy. * Eats most forms of fatty foods, including "big boned" interns. * Likes his women easy and his pot "un-inhaled". * Was able to confuse the North Koreans long enough to stall their nucular weapons program through the cunning use of gifts, such as an autographed basketball signed by Michael Jordan. The North Koreans are still wondering who Michael Jordan, or for that matter Bill Clinton are. * Designing of his own Presidential Library, with the specific goal of making it look like a doublewide trailer. * Destroyed an aspirin factory in the Sudan with his heat ray vision so that the Sudanese would have enough migraines to start killing other Sudanese in a genocidal rage. * The power to blend in at his office in Harlem. * Can summon bears to do his evil deeds for him. * Does not know what the definition of 'is' is. This has gotten him out of some dicey situations in the past. Best known speech This is acounted as Bill's most famous speech: "I did your mom... ... ... ... ....a favour.... .. ..by making you..... . ... ... ... a sandwhich,...well .. here's your sandwich...oh and almost forgot, I had sex with her bye!!" Italic text Wasting Taxes on Libraries named after him "You think my sexual experiences in the white house were shady, wait until you find out I had sex with '''ALL '''of my books. Bu my book "My life" now, they're all signed in my splooge." - Bill Clinton on his sex life with his biography Who Should Bill Clinton's Presidential Library Be Named After? Bill Clinton: Stephen Colbert: POLLING BEGAN ON JUNE 11, 2007. See Also (or not, see if I care.) * The Clenis™ * Hillary Clinton * Al Gore * Socks the Cat References External Tubes * Bill Clinton officially recognized as a "Black Man" *Anything he touches turns to poison * Bill Clinton brings home two asian beauties from North Korea. Hillary not amused. *National Crisis: Bosnia unleashes Clinton's Ego!! The Fools! What Have They DONE!! 312